Rantings from BBC One TV show MasterChef.

This month I want to rant, just a little bit, about annoying food terminology. I’ve been watching MasterChef and although I have admiration for the contestants and the food they’ve been cooking, I’m falling off the sofa with frustration at the ‘foodie’ lexicon.

As a nation we seem to have raised the concept of food to a level that sits somewhere above politics, religion – even life and death. The Great British Bake Off, Great British Menu and, of course, MasterChef. If that’s what we as a nation want then that’s fine but let’s not go over the top. As the importance of food has grown, so too has our obsession with fancy-dan words. In truth it means that when I’m in a restaurant, half the time I’ve got no idea what I’ve ordered.

There are occasions when I understand why the food industry uses strange terminology, for example sweetbreads. Sounds lovely eh? Lamb sweetbreads I suspect will always outsell lamb glands. I get that, however.

Come on. Sous-vide. Sous-vide! As far as I can tell sous-vide is boil in the bag. I bet you never realised when you were growing up that your cod in parsley sauce was being cooked sous-blinkin-vide. And don’t get me started on jus. It’s gravy! It just costs more in a restaurant. Come on John and Greg – an Aussie and a Londoner spouting coulis here, and gnash there. I think if I’d said to my parents “please could you pass the jus” over Sunday lunch they’d have been stunned.

Bain-marie? Water bath. Consommé? Clear soup. Commis chef? Apprentice. Bouquet garni? Bunch of herbs. It’s ridiculous – next time just sit back on the sofa and listen carefully. Take it all in. Half the time they’re pronouncing it incorrectly and it’s making my blood boil / simmer / stew.

There, rant over. Am I alone? Do you care? Is it just me?

Oh, and one last thing. Al Dente was a bloke I went to school with.

Related Articles