Is it me?

No, no, no! said Mrs May, I’ve told you once before,

We’ll have no snap election, as polling’s such a bore.

We’ve done the Euro Brexit, we’ve done the Scottish split,

We’ve had enough of choosing, let’s just get on with it.


And then outside her slick black door, stood tall on Downing Street

Mrs May said, Yes, yes, yes, an election would be neat.

I’ve had a little wander, a ramble and a think,

And while on top of Snowdon, I thought Labour we can sink.


The others shouted, U-turn, you’ve gone and changed your mind,

You’ve not done it for Britain, but to kick Corbyn’s behind!

No, no, retorted Theresa, you’re getting on my pip,

And after all I offer strong and stable leadership!


Across the English Channel the telescopes were out,

Looking back across the pond old Juncker he did pout.

That Mrs May is such a minx, she’s sorting out her yard,

She only likes one Brexit, and that Brexit is hard!


So Juncker formed his own plan, and gathered every member,

He called his troops to dinner and said, We’ll sink her by December.

So raise a glass and dine with me on finest filet mignon,

And we’ll leak the fact that we’ll demand a chunky hundred billion!


But Mrs May was undeterred, her plan to rule remained,

A plan to crush Old Labour, and see paradise regained.

A plan to tackle Europe with David Davis’ eyes

To replace pizza and pasta with jellied eels and pies.


The last political poem, the one that I last penned

Was full of Ukip, Farage, Cameron, Trump, the end!

We’ve come a long way since that ode, same world but different frame,

And I’ve got a little bored with all the politics and games.


I for one, I must admit, am a little done with voting,

I’m neither sad nor happy now, and I’m certainly not gloating.

For me I think I’ve had my fill, polling card ‘return to sender’

I’ve had enough, I’m opting out, I’m with Bristol’s Brenda.

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